FTPs we are! Thrill replaces Panic

 3/5/2005

I woke up with a headache. I didn't sleep well, and I believe it's a combination of the time change and the terrible offer made by management of my job, and a crazy dream. I kept going over the offer and whether I should turn it down, or not, and whether turning it down will affect my severance.

I kept hearing noises while I tried to sleep in that gigantic Grand Canyon hotel room. It was so big, and dark in there, and I imagined that spirits were rattling the hangers near the door. I quickly put that out of my mind so that I didn't wind myself into terror. I knew I'd never get any sleep if I allowed myself to entertain that thought.

Then I had a crazy dream, that I was involved in training some people to take our jobs and while I was on site, my car was vandalized. Someone had torn holes into the trunk door. I was so mad I wanted to call the police immediately, but someone with me, urged me not to because we were in a hurry. So I decided I would file a report later. I was pissed off, but went along with this and throughout the dream, I was angry that I didn't call the police before moving my car. Someone familiar from years ago was in my dream... I hadn't thought about her in years. She was at my job along with other people I knew, and I was still angry about my car. And then... Mr. Grant, one of my 8th grade teachers appears and wants to know what we were all complaining about. I went on a tirade and told him that we are training people, someone vandalized my car and how wrong he is to expect me to be happy. I was about to cry in the dream, and suddenly saw my car and that it wasn't actual holes ripped through the trunk door, but holes in the paint.

And then I woke up. 

So yeah.... I woke up with a headache, looked over at the clock and finally it was 4:53 AM, a few minutes before my wake up call. I began to think that the headache could also be due to the high altitude and dryness of the air at the Grand Canyon. I am not acclimated to the Mountain Time Zone yet. I reflected on the fact that I got sick the night before, after eating a greasy hamburger and onion rings... half of it at the lodge restaurant, and then the other half, hours later, cold... in my room. I went back out, to the lodge after laying out  my clothes for the Mule trip into the canyon. I can't believe I wanted ice cream, but I headed out for it and some bottled water. It was early evening.... and I peaked into the bar area and thought about ordering a Mud Slide... but then decided against it... and went for the ice cream. That ice cream was the straw that broke the camel's back with my plumbing! I was so sick after piling that on top of the greasy hamburger and onion rings... threw up the projectile way too. No wonder I couldn't sleep now that I think about all this.

To be honest... I also might have a headache due to the anxiety I'm feeling about the Mule Trip into the canyon. I hate that one of the tour guides told me that the mules are trained to walk on the outside edge of the trail, so that people who are walking, can be against the canyon. People have fallen off, and the mules have better footing. OMG! 

                               Our tour ends at Plateau Point, 4000 feet down. Round trip was approximately 8 hours. 

Well... I'm going! I'm not going to chicken out now!!!!

                        At Plateau Point! We had lunch down here and rested the mules before heading back up to the rim.

I survived!!! It was the scariest, most exciting, most thrilling and challenging event I have ever participated in! Notable quotables from the wrangler....

"The mules think the world is one big bag of doritos"!

 He said this, because the mules would try to eat any treetop that peered up from the ledge, or down from cliffs above. Ugh! 

"Turn the mules toward the canyon by pulling the reigns hard to the right or left. Don't worry, they ain't going over. Once they're turned toward the canyon, Atilla the Hun and his entire army can't push him off".

This is how we let them rest. Peering over the cliffs.

I am saddle sore... my entire body aches after riding the mule for 8 hours. It was a muscular torment holding steady in the saddle while resisting the urge to lean away from the cliffs. My abs, legs, lower back, toenails hurt! It was definitely not an easy trip. Ice and snow was on the trail at the higher elevations. Rain caused deep mud after around 1000 feet down in some places on the trail. Then, the sun came out and we saw a magnificent rainbow beneath us!

The older German woman in our group said, "we must go through trouble or pain to see great things". 

She was absolutely right.

FTPs we are! Looking back... observations

(What is obvious to me is that I had no idea what hot flashes were in 2005 LOL! Still, I am amazed at folks who do not feel cold and knew a couple folks who never wore a coat in the winter. Anyway, although tainted, I had a great experience on this getaway.) 

3/3/2005

Something I will never understand, is the physical difference of folks who seemingly do not feel cold weather. I'm shocked and amazed that it's 23 degrees outside, and windy... and as I shivered standing in the kiosk of the economy lot of Newark Airport all bundled up, waiting for the shuttle, a white man steped into the kiosk with no hat, no coat, no gloves on. There I stood bundled up in faux fur hat pulled down over my ears, wool scarf wrapped around my face, insulated denim jacket and leather gloves. 

Meanwhile, there was that man, standing there with a pull over sweater and jeans on. He did have his hands in his pockets. But he appeared to only be chilled. I was completely puzzled by his ability to have no physical reaction, seemingly impervious to the windy, 23 degree weather. 

 Why do some people never feel cold?

And if that weren't shocking enough, in the airport, all scanned, searched and checked in... sitting at the gate and it's rather chilly since the doors leading to the jetways were open... I couldn't help but notice a woman sitting there with a light fleece jacket, cotton capri pants and flip-flops on her feet. I was trying to understand how someone woke up that morning and left their house in 23 degree weather with flip-flops on. There's something different about these folks.

Right after that, another woman walked up and sat down a few chairs away from me. She was closer to the windows and door that leads to the jetway. It was even colder over there. She had on a wool peacoat, cotton capri pants, no socks, loafers on her feet. How did she decide to leave her house like that? She pulled a pair of sweat pants out of her bag and wrapped them around the bare part of her legs. OK so she is able to feel cold. Wow!

Once I boarded the plane, I got comfortable because it was nice and toasty in there. This white man sitting in the aisle seat of my row complained that it was too hot. Boy oh boy!

3/4/2005

I'm on a ground shuttle from Flagstaff traveling to Williams, AZ after arriving in Phoenix. I am the only Black person on the shuttle, 3 White women and a rather large maybe Mexican or Native American in the back who looked rather scruffy with rotten teeth. 

As I took my seat on the shuttle, my phone rang and it was a co-worker. She let me know what the proposition was  that we were presented with, now that we've completed training our replacements. She said that we were being offered a job in Atlanta for 8 weeks and then we will be laid off 30 days after that. She told me that there was a possibility that they might keep one  person who accepts the assignment. We would have to fly to Atlanta every week and be on site by noon on Mondays, work 14 hour days, and then fly home on Thursday nights. 

I told her that it sounded like an abusive deal to me... 56 hours in 4 days for 8 weeks with a high probability of being laid off 30 days after that. Wow. And since we're salaried workers, there's no OT or anything like that. Ugh! I hung up feeling exasperated, and called my sister. 

Soon as I hung up, the snaggle-toothed guy in the back asked me if I were on my way to work. I looked around... and wondered if he thought that about the other women. I responded, 'no... I'm on vacation.' Then I asked him if there were jobs where we were headed LOL!

All the while I'm talking to my co-worker, and then my sister, I had no idea the shuttle driver was waiting for me to get off the phone. I felt kind of bad about that. He was very nice though. He wanted to tell me about some  places he recommended I should see. 

Grand Canyon Railway Hotel in Williams, AZ

FTPs we are! Tools of the trade

(Finding this journal that I wrote in makes me chuckle at how aggravated I was back then LOL! )

5/3/2005

As if I weren't aggravated enough, my laptop is being it's true crappy self and giving me a hard time in this hotel room. 

The funny thing is, I'm in the better hotel as they say. It's the full service hotel... yet they charge $9.95 per day to connect to the internet. The step down version of these hotels are cheaper, and don't charge for internet connection. 

My laptop decides that it doesn't like the connection and goes through all kinds of proxy errors and whatnot. Ugh! I'm so aggravated. This could mean that after all the demands I made about taking my class while traveling were futile, and I won't be able to take it anyway since it's online. 

This crappy laptop is so slow regularly, anyway. I keep cleaning up the disk which is a test of my already short patience. I peek over at the stupid machine from the bed and see that it's still churning away. That glance made me see the coffee maker sitting there behind it. The coffee maker would churn better than my laptop I'm thinking. Ah! I'll make some coffee.

Finally! It has analyzed my disk, only to show a few kbs in my recycle bin. OMG. Damn! This thing ran for 20 minutes, for a few kbs. That's it????!!!!

Oh well... now I'll set the defrag, and go to the fitness center. The workout will calm my nerves.

5/9/2005

Week 3  into this assignment, and all ain't well.

It was a rather bumpy flight this time. And then we had to sit on the tarmac, waiting for our jetway to become available.

What a way to make a living. I probably would have enjoyed this 20 years ago. But these corporations have taken all the fun out of everything. 

What a way to earn a living. And I have looming visions of it all slipping away. I calm myself after that reality creeps into my spirit, and tell myself it won't be so bad. After surviving worse, many years ago, this isn't so bad.

Still, I can't see this lasting the way things are right now. Maybe I'll get used to it. Maybe they will get tired of my independent attitude. They could ask me to leave the project at any time. There I go again. The trauma of watching so many co workers get laid off after we were forced to train our replacements has affected me deeply, this is very evident. 

What a way to work!

5/12/2005

Things do happen for a reason. And somehow, I am ending up in the situation as I somehow hoped it would be. Still employed.

                                            By Susan P. Joyce

Yet it is a chaotic nightmare. I still have ice skates on. Only now, panic has turned into cynical numbness.  Yes, I have a mortgage to pay and I love my condo. But I can be just as happy renting a small efficiency. I have to entertain the possibility and be grateful and thankful that I have experienced living so well. I am truly blessed! Truly!

 

FTPs We Are! Diary of corporate dehumanization

I have always kept a journal since childhood. I believe my journals have saved me sometimes. I've decided to share some of my writings that reflect some of my life spent in corporate America. I believe there are many who can identify with these stories.

 Careerizma 

April 25, 2005

Upon arrival, I do believe... I believe that I just cannot predict too far ahead, although I do sometimes have good intuition. I just hope and pray for the best and I have faith that everything will be alright. Current status? Ear ache, runny nose, skin raw around my nose, over tired, muscles ache... still, looking forward to tomorrow... I have to.

April 26, 2005

6:00 AM, I finally discover that I fell for one of the oldest, cruel hotel tricks... the ol' change the time on the room clock trick, Boy do I feel stupid. I was so tired and feeling so ill when I got in that I didn't realize that the clock was an hour forward. So here I am, showered, dressed and mad. I turned out the light, and laid down to try to catch the rest of the hour I lost in sleep but I couldn't. I have to get my game on today and I feel lousy.

Corporate cruelty! This is the ultimate in corporate arrogance and cruelty. As if it weren't bad enough that for 5 straight weeks in a row I am called by Thursday or Friday and told that I 'might' have to fly to Atlanta, only to be called on Saturday evening this time, and told that I have to fly to Atlanta, and be there by Monday morning. Ugh!

It is beyond my comprehension to realize this predicament I am in at 47 years of age. How in the world is it, that I am forced to train my replacement from India, and now be subjected to the disrespect and manipulation and abuse I am accepting now, in order to stay employed?

FEAR.

4/27/2005

In the midst of this corporate abuse, I ponder whether this is a job to die for.

My ear began to hurt Sunday morning, accompanied by a sore throat on the same side. I felt miserable from sneezing... post nasal drip, inflamed sinuses... the whole 9 yards.

Yet I flew down here to Atlanta anyway... because I need the job. And I also know there is no compassion anymore in a world of fierce competition. I know that being sick could mean the end of this assignment for me. And now I ponder, is this God's way of letting me know it is not the job I should continue to be in. I must consider this possibility. I must let management know I need to go to Urgent Care.

4/28/2005

What I find as totally unbelievable, is a message from my director, asking me how my 'ear emergency' affects things. I don't know why I am amazed at this point, that my health is such a trivial matter... but the job must be had at all costs. We're considered desperate anyway just for accepting this bullshit! They've realized that we have no limits and will lick the crack of corporate ass to stay employed.

This is where they are sadly mistaken. I'll see how far I can go.

The True Story by LeRoy Webster Sr. circa 1970s

 (The following hand written story was written by my Dad, LeRoy Webster Sr. )

Let me first not identify myself for fear of reprisals from family and friends and loved ones. Looking for truth is so dangerous you can't begin to acknowledge the magnitude of lies around and about you in normal everyday activities among those you are supposed to trust.

Let's start somewhere that I think may be the beginning of something— let's say today for instance. I wake up to the electric Snooze Alarm Clock because I can't trust my Talking Alarm Clock right now, because the past two days it didn't bother to wake me up. It is smart enough to talk, but it won't tell me that the battery is getting weak. I checked it out last night, and it said 'alarm on - 5:45 AM'.  I said, 'good'. But this morning, it didn't do what it was supposed to do. At the time of 5:45 AM, all it was supposed to do, is keep saying the time until I get up.  I stopped using the Snooze Alarm Clock when I got this talking clock because I had a hard time remembering which snooze I was on,  and then  be late getting up.

The Talking Alarm Clock would tell the time, and then crow, and keep doing this for one minute, or until I get up and push the switch to turn it off. No one told me that all of a sudden it would stop talking.

Well, lights on, time to rise and shine!

First, look for my slippers, on occasion they are just where I left them the night before, and my feet slip right into position. Ok, now onward to the bathroom to take a leak, and wash my mouth out, and put in my teeth that have been soaking in a container all night.

I can't remember who told me teeth were supposed to last a lifetime. Mine didn't. 😏 

The First Time I Traveled Alone (written in 2005)

 

Cyd Webster Beacham March 18, 2005

The First Time I Traveled Alone

I thought about it for a long time... years. I even went to a couple of book stores and bought books about traveling alone. I have read articles about it and tried to imagine myself taking a journey by myself. I can’t help but feel sad about the fact that I have come to the conclusion that since I love to travel, I must get the courage to go it alone. But I force myself to not dwell on the reason why I am embarking on this effort and focus more on actually doing it.

So after perusing a couple of books, magazines and websites, I picked up a few tips traveling alone such as being aware of my surroundings and traveling light. I decided that my travels should be in an effort to relax when I am alone so I centered my focus on Spa Resorts. I pondered this idea for a while because I began to think that I may run the risk of getting depressed if it turned out to be a Spa Resort that catered to newlyweds, married couples, romantic settings, etc. And since I am alone and have no prospective love interest in my life right now, this is an issue I must consider.

I searched some websites and found that many Spas cater to singles, women and health. This became very encouraging and inspiring. I began to get excited about the journey I planned to embark on alone. Now that I had found an activity to focus on in my travel, I began to think about locations I’d like to visit. The Caribbean was the first place that came to my mind. I love the blue water and white sand. There is so much serenity there in the warm sun and beautiful beaches. But then I found that these places do cater to romance, not to mention that they are quite expensive. I had decided to put the Caribbean idea on the back burner for now.

My search then narrowed to someplace domestically located which had a Spa I could go to. I decided that I should go somewhere I had been before for my first travel alone so that the familiarity would make me more comfortable. I finally came up with the idea to go to Las Vegas. I have been there before and enjoyed it. There’s so much to do there and the hotels are beautiful. The price is right too. And while I was there I decided that I would take a tour to the Grand Canyon which is something I have always wanted to do. I got really excited at having this plan come together in my head.

I made the reservations and began to prepare for my journey. I called and made a couple of appointments with the Spa in the hotel I decided to stay at and decided to wait until I got there to arrange the Grand Canyon tour. I was very excited at finally actually making a trip alone.

Once I set out to go to the airport, I felt a sense of happiness and calm. I was able to be so relaxed and not have to worry about what anyone else wanted to do or anyone else’s agenda but my own. I could wander around the airport and look in the stores, go eat what I wanted without hearing any comments about it being high carb or too much fat.

I got on the plane and pulled out a book and was able to relax and read. Once arriving in Las Vegas, I caught a shuttle to the hotel and once I got into my room I just flopped down onto the most comfortable bed and laughed to myself. I did it! I am here! I am already enjoying myself and I haven’t even done anything yet.

I am so happy that I made the effort and now I know I can do it. I plan to travel a lot more now and won’t worry about whether I can find people to travel with me. I choose to be happy and make an effort to make the best of my life while I am here.

Unistatians: Utopia or Destruction by LeRoy Webster Sr. (1968)

(The following essay was written by my dad, LeRoy Webster Sr. and copyrighted in 1968. Edited by Cyd Webster Beacham)

The Unistations will unite this land by sheer willingness to bring about a land of beauty and progress unequalled by all imagination.

What is your Nationality? Think first! What does nationality mean? Where you live? Where you were born? Who your parents are? Your religion? Just what does nationality mean and what does nationality mean to you? Are you proud of your nationality? That's fine, beautiful, you should be. Are you a citizen? A citizen of where? Of the United States? Does this affect our nationality?

Every nationality comes from the country that you live in. Heritage and nationality are two different things. Some of you know your heritage and from where your families originated in the past few generations, but whaat about before that? Could medieval age heritage or nationality carry over to now, or are they  of any importance at all? Everyone is naturally proud to belong to different things in the past, but can you really be sure that your ancestors had all the honor you think they did, and everyones' father was who he claimed to be? Can you really be sure? But now think, just what do these things mean to us now, in 1968?

If you were born in France, you would be French, right? If you became a citizen of France, you would still be French, right? Or in England, English or Egypt, Egyptian. Ireland, Irish. India, Indian. China, Chinese. Spain, Spanish. Mexico, Mexican. Canada, Canadian, Nigeria, Nigerian... and so on for every country. So if you are born in the United States of America, you are an American, definitely. But being American doesn't identify you. An American is anyone born in the continental Americas, North or South, including Mexicans, Canadians, Peruvians, Argentinians, etc.

When this country was born we adopted the name Americans because we didn't know where we were, but now after almost 200 years, the children have grown and we know who we are but we still have an adopted name. I think that now the United States citizens are responsible enough and can assume their own name, "The Unistatians".

Every other country in the world has a specific word to identify its citizens. The citizens of the United States have never had one, we have been called many things, but none of the names really identify us with only the United States.

Some groups have fallen back on their heritage, religions, race or color. This has caused desperate situations of near destruction in our land.

 Further continuation of this same situation can only lead to the disintegration and decay of what would have been the greatest country in the world. If we are of the United States and for the United States, we are the United States and should have our own specific name. The Unistatians is a fitting word that could unite the citizens to one main determination. To revive the citizens, The Unistatians, as to what their nationality is, to where their allegiance lies and to unite them together for the betterment of our country. If you live in the United States, are a citizen of the United States or were born in the United States, you are a Unistatian, a product of the United States of America.

The United States has been the largest melting pot in the world. This concept was truly beautiful. But now in our automated scientific, big business society the pot is running over and we can't seem to give everyone the equal opportunities they deserve. The Unistatians will promote equality.

In the Declaration of Independence it states that "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." This was fine but it doesn't hold true. First of all, men are not created equal, but should have equal rights in a democracy. There are great differences between persons born rich or poor, and intelligent, average, or below average intellectually, or those born into different religions or into no religion at all. Then there is the big hang-up of people who are born different colors and shades and individual characteristics. No one could really say all of these differences could be equal.

It says the inalienable rights are endowed by our Creator. That is great, but the Creator is not running this country to make these things hold true. Our democracy is running it. The people whom we keep in office. Our choice to uphold the right. Have they done it? The Unistatians can do it.

Thomas Jefferson raised this question in one of his articles concerning the Bill of Rights. "Is the spirit of the people infallible, a permanent reliance? Is this the kind of protection we receive in return for the rights we give up? Besides the spirit of the times may alter, will alter. Our rulers corrupt, our people careless. A single zealot may commence persecution, and better men be his victims"

He continued, "It can never be too often repeated, that the time for fixing every essential right on a legal basis is while our rulers are honest, and ourselves united."

He had great foresight, but even with the Bill of Rights, things have been twisted, turned, corrupted and misinterpreted. The Unistatians can change this!

The advantage of fair procedures when the lone individual challenges those in power is that the government should be a symbol of justice, not the badge of oppression. The Unistatians will promote this!

Respect for human dignity will preserve the rights of man, not love. The law of human beings is wisdom and goodness, not unlimited acquisition. To develop wisdom and goodness we must welcome the hunger to know and to grow and all Unistatians should share in the torrent of information and knowledge poured upon us in this communications revolution. A man cannot really be regarded as fully human, in a true democracy except  in the community he builds with other free humans, grasping wisdom by accepting and giving, and learning the dignity of the weakest person as well as the mightiest.

And we all can do our part by renewing our allegiances and accepting the responsibilities of Unistatians to raise the United States to  new heights; by restoring our faith and forging ahead to remain the greatest country in the world.

Let us join together to promote this theme, Unistatians. I propose a group named HERD; To be HERD, and get HERD; join HERD to help HERD.

Unistatians united together for the betterment of our country. HERD shall aim at four main points.

Help everyone, Eliminate mistrust, Respect everyone, Deprive no one.

LeRoy Webster (Unistatian)
Orange NJ, USA