Madea's Rules for Thanksgiving Dinner

^{Madea's Rules for Thanksgiving Dinner}

Print and give to each guest that enters your home.

10 RULES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MY HOUSE


1.. Don't get in line asking questions about the food. 'Who made the
potato salad? Is it egg in there? Are the greens fresh? Is the meat in
the greens turkey or pork? Who made the macaroni and cheese? What kind
of pie is that; who made it? Ask one more question and I will punch you
in your mouth, knocking out all your fronts so you won't be able to eat
anything.



2.. If you can't walk, or are missing any limbs, sit you're a** down
until someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for
you to be independent. Nibble on them durn peanuts and walnuts to hold
you over until someone makes you a plate.



3.. If you have kids under the age of twelve, I will escort their little
a**es down to the basement and bring their food down to them. They are
not going to tear up my durn house this year. Tell them that they are
not allowed upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling
family stories about their mommas and papas. If they come upstairs for
any reason except that they are bleeding to death, I will break a foot
off in their a**es.



4.. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE!
We do not care that you are thankful that your thirteen year old
daughter gave birth to a healthy baby or your nephew just got out of
jail. Save the talk for someone that gives a damn. The time limit for
the prayer is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute
is up, you will feel something hard come across your lips and they will
be swollen for approximately 20 minutes.



5.. Finish everything on your plate before you go for seconds! If you
don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy a** home
next year.



6.. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a
plate in my good tupperware knowing durn well that I will never see it
again! Furthermore, if you didn't bring anything over, don't let me
catch you making a plate period or it will be a misunderstanding.



7.. What you came with is what you should leave with! Do not leave my
house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!



8.. Do not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER. There will be a kid parent roll call every
ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call,
your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After
24 hours, I will call CPS on your ignorant a**!!



9.. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat your dinner then take
you're a** home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICKED OUT AT
11:00 pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.



10. Last but not least; ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner. You
will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the appropiate
amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will be a cash
register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy a** family,
we now have a credit card machine. So Visa and Mastercard are now being
accepted.